No scruples, lethal traitors.

The Tortoise 0.1

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 16:09:35 GMT

Upcoming Military Robot Could Feed on Dead Bodies

It could be a combination of 19th-century mechanics, 21st-century technology — and a 20th-century horror movie.

A Maryland company under contract to the Pentagon is working on a steam-powered robot that would fuel itself by gobbling up whatever organic material it can find — grass, wood, old furniture, even dead bodies.

Robotic Technology Inc.'s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot — that's right, "EATR" — "can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable," reads the company's Web site.

That "biomass" and "other organically-based energy sources" wouldn't necessarily be limited to plant material — animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they'd be plentiful in a war zone.

EATR will be powered by the Waste Heat Engine developed by Cyclone Power Technology of Pompano Beach, Fla., which uses an "external combustion chamber" burning up fuel to heat up water in a closed loop, generating electricity.

The advantages to the military are that the robot would be extremely flexible in fuel sources and could roam on its own for months, even years, without having to be refueled or serviced.

Upon the EATR platform, the Pentagon could build all sorts of things — a transport, an ambulance, a communications center, even a mobile gunship.

In press materials, Robotic Technology presents EATR as an essentially benign artificial creature that fills its belly through "foraging," despite the obvious military purpose.

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:44:36 GMT

We're going to get fitted for our tuxedos this evening. Fingers crossed for wing collars and french cuffs!

SMT: Devil Survivor was some of the most fun i've had with a game in awhile. I'm not often like to do it, but i actually played through it again once i finished for a different ending, instead of just reading about them on the internet. So cool..! Seriously though, it's pretty amazing.

Also: Neotokyo. It's very fun. It's also very hard, but mostly fun (and hard). I'll go play now!

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 04:58:58 GMT

i ate a pork chop

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 18:50:12 GMT

So, after some considerable length of time i finally got a chance to play Flower, Sun and Rain. Not a lot, but enough to pretty much want to suck Suda51's dick. I hope they release The Silver Case, too, but all thing's considered it doesn't seem like FSR is being, uh...let's go with "appreciated". Alas.

Also, i picked up Devil Survivor today. I'll probably play through this first, only because i'm likely able to breeze through it while FSR remains somehow monolithic and decidedly elusive from a chewing standpoint. It will be a hard game to consume, is what i'm saying.

There's some other stuff, but who gives a fuck.

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 04:12:17 GMT

I was taking a shit earlier and thought about making a huge post singing the praises of Penny Arcade Adventures Episode 2. Of course, i've long since forgotten everything i'd had in mind and frankly don't think i have it in me to laud much of anything at the moment. Suffice to say, the game is seriously fucking cool. Leaps and bounds cooler than Episode 1 (which was sweet on it's own merits). Anyway, if the following episodes are as drastic an improvement on the previous iteration as this one was, i expect great things.

Also: plz make an rpg based on Lookouts okay

PS: WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME FLOWER SUN & RAIN WAS SERIOUSLY FINALLY ALMOST OUT ALREADY WHAT

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 05:53:51 GMT

A couple of days ago i went out for some sushi with a buddy of mine and i had the Crazy Dragon Roll. Which is basically half of a fucking eel laid atop a spicy tuna roll with some delicious sauce drizzled over the top of it. By the way, eating an eel's tail is kind of weird.

Also, i think i forgot to mention that said buddy is getting married in August and asked me to be his best man. Did you know there's actually all kinds of shit you have to do as best man? Like, not just stand around and look slick? There's important shit involved!

May We Die in the Forest

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 09:30:08 GMT

Okay, i don't give a fuck? Because this is so cool.

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 04:36:52 GMT

I want Lady Gaga to sit on my penis. By which i mean my dick.

By the way, i'm currently writing the script for a television pilot called "The Lion's Pride" which is a story about a young lion who because of his hubris is turned into a human boy by a sorcerer baboon. Now, he has to make his way in the "urban jungle" and earn the right to the granite throne.

Starring Seth Gingo as "Lionel King", Ian McShane as his father "Ryan King" and Christopher Lee as "Al-Kaldea Xibalba, the sorcerer baboon". Special guest Patton Oswalt stars as Lionel's old friend Boar Diddly in the episode "Boar Money, Boar Problems".

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 17:00:29 GMT

I just looked up "Jesus Christ quotes" on Google.

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 14:35:57 GMT

I don't want to go to work ever again.

Like, for the rest of my life, i mean.

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 05:55:50 GMT

So, i had some drinks tonight.

Earlier, i took a picture of myself naked while reading many fine leatherbound books.

This is my life, one day at a time.

Tragic Blade. Thank you, friend.

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 07:17:14 GMT

I just got one of the coolest fucking things of all time in my e-mail today. :) It was truly a work of art...

Those golden days behind us. The waning light of our hopeful youth. If only we could regain that feeling...

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 09:58:31 GMT

So, when i was a kid i had this VHS of the Final Fantasy anime, Legend of the Crystals or some shit. Anyway, they always had some neat (at the time, at least) previews in the beginning. Bio Hunter was one of them, as was Twilight of the Dark Master - both of which i've since gone on to own (and both of which aren't so bad, in their way). There was one i could never find on DVD, though. Dragon Slayer. I always tried to track it down but could never find it outside of VHS.

Last week, i guess i found a copy of it on eBay and picked it up. I watched it last night.

Probably shouldn't have waited so long. I imagine it would've been a lot cooler when i was twelve. Actually, maybe not.

Anyway, if i had to pick my top three anticipated titles from E3? Castlevania: Lords of Shadow and Mass Effect 2 would be, uh, two of them. Third is a little tougher: i'm really into Assassin's Creed 2, especially if they can basically one-up themselves from the first title in the franchise. By the looks of it, they're well on their way. The Last Guardian is less a video game and more a complete fucking masterpiece, but i don't know that i could compare it to...well, anything else. The game is a work of art. Final Fantasy XIV and The Old Republic both look fuckawesome in their own rights, but i've never felt comfortable listing an MMO in any Best Of lists. Heavy Rain really piqued my interest and while i'll pick it up Day One i don't know that it's a game i'll be pining for every hour until then. I don't know. This is tough! Shit is stressful.

Of course, none of this means a Goddamn thing if they somehow end up announcing a new Breath of Fire, or something. Then shit gets deadly.

EDIT: Actually, you know what? Even though it had no E3 presence, i'm pretty much giving my number 3 spot to Diablo III. Fuck all y'all hataz!

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 00:31:30 GMT

Castlevania: Lord of Shadows just jumped directly into my top three anticipated games of 2010.

Off i go, to be salted with the salt of the palace.

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 23:10:25 GMT

Alright, uh, Assassin's Creed was a cool game. Right?

Fuck me if Assassin's Creed 2 does not just fucking blow everything about it's predecessor out of the water. I especially like that Ezio is less a stoic warrior-monk and more just kind of a brutal showboating dickhead. That's what i want out of my Renaissance hitmen.

Forget what i said yesterday. Now that E3's kind of in full swing i'm starting to get genuinely excited. Except for the fact that one of the maybe four websites i ever frequent happens to be one of the larger gaming forums on the internet, and thanks to E3 the only page i really see is fucking 500 - Internal Server Error.

Anyway! I don't know, i've been wearing my hair down and wild lately. Leaving it curly and bouncy instead of straightening it every day isn't actually quite so bad. I think it's boyishly charming.

If i can find my fucking camera i'd like to take some pictures of my cape and new coat.

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 09:52:04 GMT

Well, normally i'd let loose a little and geek out over some of the fancy E3 shit, but i don't really feel like it. Suffice to say, Star Wars: The Old Republic looks enticing. MGS: Rising should be sweet. Left 4 Dead 2 (though i'm a little surprised to see they're already releasing a sequel) is pretty slick, and Castlevania: Lord of Shadows (is it a Castlevania game, or what?)...well, i'll get excited by any Castlevania game from the get go and let myself get disappointed later, if it comes to that.

And now i'm home and i'll just...i don't know, fuck around for a while and then go to sleep.

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 10:15:21 GMT

I wore my cape to work tonight, so i guess things could be worse.

"God's book is full of killin's".

Sun, 31 May 2009 10:26:05 GMT

Well, my ball still hurts. My strange and fantastic journey at work is coming to a climax, but much like Odysseus returning to Ithaca, there is still work to be done.

As someone who's actually, sincerely interested in playing Dragon Age, i wish they'd figure out some sort of reasonable ad campaign to follow. I was led to believe we'd be getting an interesting, low-fantasy Martin-esque adventure of gritty realism. Not (and i can't believe i'm saying this) adolescent wet-dream, big tit fucking, manslaying, shitty music filled tripe. And i LOVE tit fucking and manslaying! But seriously, which is it? Because you're probably alienating one demographic and...well, i don't think that other target group even knows what PC stands for (other than pussy cunt, of course). I guess that's why it's going to consoles, too!

Anyway, i'd really like Lucifer and Beelzebub One Coin figures so my archangels have something to do besides stand around all day.

Jesus Christ. I'm twenty-three years old. This is my life.

I'm really excited to finish up this medication because i'd like to DRINK MILK AND ORANGE JUICE AND GO OUT IN THE DAYLIGHT AGAIN SOMETIME. We can put men on the moon, but can't let a motherfucker mix some medicine with dairy products. We've come so far.

You ever see Night of the Hunter? Is that a weird and ambiguous question to ask?

Sat, 30 May 2009 01:07:17 GMT

WAY OF THE SAMURAI 3 COMING TO NORTH AMERICA

SURE GLAD I FOUND OUT AFTER I IMPORTED IT AND PROBABLY KILLED MY PS3

Also, i got some cool Megaten One Coin figures. Except Raphael's sword was broken, but the rest of them are so badass as to warrant no further concern.

DON'T TELL ME THAT BS ABOUT YOU CANT SEE ANYTHING WHEN HE WEARS ARMOR BECAUSE I CAN SEE IT IN MY MIN

Fri, 29 May 2009 07:11:27 GMT

I'm feeling...troubled.

But instead of dwelling on that, let's post some pictures!

Not that i did any of that here. Just run-of-the-mill camwhoring!

That was really good cake.

I would like to play Diablo III, Mass Effect 2, Lost Planet 2, and that Studio Ghibli+Level 5 game (because, how much wrong could the two of those do together?).

Also: laser beam!

Also2: i just bought this shirt.

Mon, 25 May 2009 23:27:45 GMT

After a morning in the emergency room, all ball trouble is accounted for and steps are being taken to resolve the situation!

By the way, take good care of your johnson and don't ever get epididymitis because it's actually quite painful.

ps: but seriously chrono trigger or final fantasy iv

Mon, 25 May 2009 09:51:57 GMT

Important Nintendo DS question: Chrono Trigger or Final Fantasy IV? Mostly because i'm pretty sure it's part of my intestines in my ballsack and i don't think that's the sort of thing that can be resolved without professional medical care so i'll need shit to do when i go to the hospital. Which i should probably do sometime this week.

ps: please don't let there be poop in my balls

Mon, 25 May 2009 00:17:40 GMT

There is something other than my testicles inside my ballsack. I should probably go to the hospital, but there's just not enough time in the day.

Sat, 23 May 2009 07:54:10 GMT

I'm about to wrap up Devil Summoner 2, and not a moment too soon. Weekends go by so quickly these days, i've barely time to fathom that i've reached 'em at all!

Work is a lot of things. Mostly an exchange of services and skills for a periodic amount of predetermined pay. I am well salted with the salt of the palace, and i can find little reasonable fault with that. Lucky for everyone, then, that i'm not a reasonable man.

I spent a nice little chunk of my weekly change this week, but i'm reaching a phase where i'm no longer deriving joy solely from the act of spending. Which i guess can be construed as good, but i sort of like spending money. Anyway, i suppose it's only sensible. I have literally no space left in my room for books, my movie shelves are this close to being filled...but my personal sense of happiness is directly proportionate to the amount of material goods i own! What's a boy to do?

I'll go for sushi tomorrow, and if things continue as they are, probably the hospital...but that's a story for another time! You'll like that one, trust me.

Oh, also: i bought a policeman's cape.

Wed, 13 May 2009 09:33:16 GMT

Okay, so i probably need to pick up a PSP as soon as the, uh, new Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete remake gets localized.

I've been pretty much facing backward for the past couple of weeks. Things look pretty bright back there, but usually sights in retrospect are fucking awesome. Truth is, despite how much i long for simpler days i'm pretty sure i was still just being a spoiled brat in the face of how awesome shit was. Things are fairly sweet now, too, but fuck you and let me reminisce! I'm sorry, i didn't mean that.

I just want to be satisfied by little things again. Just seeing artwork from Lunar made me feel happy. And then i felt sad. Because i can't be a spoiled brat prince forever. Which is pretty much all i want!

I'll play Devil Summoner 2 tonight. Since i couldn't pick it up yesterday.

GOING CRAZY..! Oh, oh, i bought a black leather holster and a blued steel M1873 Cavalry Pistol, but i don't really like the holster all that much. The iron is nice, though.